I'm here for you
by Delphini Cassiopeia Riddle
Summary: Loki has trouble getting over his trauma after Sakaar, Thor tries to bring life back into his brother . After being forced into slavery Loki tells Thor about all that he's been through. Warning: Implied rape Warning: Ragnarok Spoilers.


'Loki, I need to talk to you.' Thor entered his brother's chambers aboard their new home, their escape vessel. It had taken a few days to get things settled properly, and he hadn't been able to talk to his brother in the mean time.

'What is it Thor?' Loki was sitting on his bed, reading, with his back resting against the wall and feet in front of him.

'There is something that has been bothering me.'

'And you believe like every other time it's me?'

'No,no. Not that! Let me finish.' Thor walked down to Loki's bed and the latter shifted his feet to allow him to sit.

'It is about that planet Sakaar. I want to know about your dealings with the Grandmaster.'

Loki turned slightly red at the mention of the name of the grandmaster. 'And how can that be bothering you brother?'

'Maybe it's not directly bothering me, but it is bothering you. You sometimes seem like you're not the Loki I knew, after coming back from there.'

'Is it now? What do you want me to do? Turn into a snake and stab you again?'

Thor gave a small smile, a small spark of unfelt joy finding a place in his heart at the mention of the incident.

'It isn't that simple anymore, is it?'

'Of course not.'

'But you have to speak out. That grandmaster was a lunatic! How did you manage to earn his favour?'

'It is a rather long story, and I wouldn't want to waste the king's time on it.' Loki shut the book he was reading and got up from the bed to go and stand by the window. Thor followed.

'I have enough time for you. You know that.'

'Thor, please-'

Thor grabbed him by the shoulders and pinned him down with his back pressed firmly against the back window. Loki didn't try to move, but if looks could kill, Thor would be seriously injured. His eyes weren't as sharp as they usually were.

'Look Loki, you have to tell me!'

'Why, may I ask?'

'I need more motivation to find and kill that man.'

'So cutting your hair wasn't motivation enough?' Loki tried to flash a smile, but wavered under Thor's stern gaze.

'Loki, I'm serious. Am I not your brother? Will you not talk to me? Loki I have seen how you behaved around him, I've seen how you still turn red at his mention. There is something you're hiding brother. So, how did you manage to be in good terms with that man?

Loki couldn't look into his brother's eyes. His head hung low as he spoke in a hushed whisper, 'Fine. You won't let me hide it, will you. I'll tell you.' he took a shaky breath, then in an even lower voice he spoke again, 'he used me.'

'Used you brother? What does that mean?' there was a tone of alarm in his voice.

If Loki's head could drop any lower, it would have. With his voice still a barely audible whisper he spoke, 'When I landed on his planet, I was found by his henchmen and given to him, the very same way you did. I didn't qualify as a fighter, but he gave me a proposal, he would let me live, live the life of a prince, if I surrendered myself to him. As long as I gave in to any of his wicked desires, as long as I gave him total control over me, he'd let me live.'

'So, he turned you into a slave...' Thor's grip on his shoulder loosened and with one hand he reached out to touch his poor brother's face. Whatever he did live through on Sakaar was sure to never stop haunting him. He cupped his brother's chin and raised it to look at his face. He was shaking slightly, his face red with his eyes tight shut, but Thor could see the droplets in the corner of his eyes.

It pained Thor to see his dear brother like this. Maybe he could never understand the full extent of his brother's trauma, but he knew it wouldn't have been easy for somebody the likes of Loki to surrender himself as a slave to somebody else...

The tears finally rolled down Loki's cheeks. He reached one hand out to touch Thor's hand which was still gripping his shoulder.

'You wanted to know brother? I'll tell you. I'll tell you about everything. Then maybe you'll kill me of shame after I failed doing so myself.'

'Do not say such things brother, you know I can never truly think of killing you.'

'Maybe now you will.'

'Broth-'

'I wasn't just any slave, Thor... I was... I was his ...' Loki couldn't bring himself to say the word... Thor's concern grew. What had that man done to his delicate brother!

'He ... He made me... Into a ...wh-wh-whore' saying the words he started to sob, tear after tear rolling down the sharp but delicate contours of his face, his body shaking, with fear, with shame, with so much more that he could never explain.

Thor was silently staring at him. There was something in his eyes that Loki couldn't quite identify. The fact that Thor did not pull away from him immediately, but kept his grip on him steady, maybe even held on a little tighter, gave Loki enough courage to keep talking to his brother.

'When I landed on Sakaar, it was his own ship that found me among the rubble. I was brought in just like you were, but I was no fighter; so he find other uses for me... more.. personal uses. In the beginning I refused! Believe me brother, I resisted! But he was too powerful, it was his planet, I was the helpless alien, stranded, at his mercy. I would have died instead of enduring such shame, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me die, he wouldn't let me live, he slowly took control of me, of my total being. He would pour drugged concoctions down my throat and put me in chains and slowly break me. Bit by bit. Till I was absolutely broken. Under his control. I don't know what all he put inside me, all sorts of odd drinks and drugs. All his experiments, he tried out on me! I couldn't take it. Believe me brother, after the Chitauri, I had thought I would be able to hold my own against him, but I was wrong. He was worse... All sorts of terrible nightmares, awake or asleep wouldn't stop haunting me, he would use me whenever he wanted, however he wanted. Leaving me helpless to do anything ... I had felt there was no escape from that Hell. Whenever I tried to defy him, he would just drug me and torture and ...r-rape me and leave me to my shame and misery. I finally broke after a few weeks. Only then did some of the torture stop, only then did those horrifying drugs stop... But he continued to ... to use me.. my body...' he was visibly shaking, and openly sobbing. It was as if speaking out about what he'd been through gave him the confidence to let his guard down before his brother, which he hadn't done since... he really couldn't remember. He reached forward and wrapped both his arms around his brother's larger frame, crying into his shoulder.

Thor was unsure of what to do. He had always wanted to see Loki in his purest form, without all those walls and barriers around him, without all the spite and anger surging through him; but now that the fragile thing that his brother was, or had become, was in front of him he was unsure of what to do. He wrapped his arms around Loki, his mind still trying to grasp all that his brother had just spilled before him. What he had revealed was disturbing indeed. He swore to himself that he would hunt down that man and slowly torture him to death. He placed a gentle hand on Loki's head in an effort to comfort him, though he wasn't sure if it was enough ..

Loki spoke in between sobs, 'I thought that is how my life would end, as his... his wh-whore... Serving him with my body till my last day. I had given up all hope brother. I thought I might as well try to meddle in, seeing there was no escape for me... Till you came along. I assure you brother, I have never been more relieved to see you. Seeing you there was , it was like the last dying spark of hope inside me, the last glowing ember, had found a new reason to go on burning. Maybe not willingly, but I knew you would help me. Maybe you could never trust me, but I knew I could bet my life on you... Even now, when it's all in the past, I'm far away from that, from him... It still haunts me brother, all that he put me through, I fear it's shadow will never leave me. It's too hard, too hard too forget. I feel so horrible, so disgusted with myself, for stooping so low just to survive, for still being standing here, living, for all that I let happen to myself... For for everything...' Loki's grip on his brother tightened as he poured the entirety of his heart out to his brother. Maybe he could never forget, but knowing that his brother knew, somehow made the load of his shame and guilt slightly easier to carry.

Thor held on to his brother as he sobbed on his shoulder, then slowly started to rock him back and forth, as their mother had once done when either of them was crying, or sick, or just upset. Then, he did something that he probably hadn't done since they were children. He slowly shifted his shoulder from under his brother's shoulder so that he was forced to look up, and softly, very gently kissed his forehead. This action seemed to take him by surprise.

Thor then put his brother's head back on his shoulder, and still gently rocking him back and forth, he spoke in the most soothing voice he could manage, 'Brother, do not blame yourself for this. It isn't your fault. It is not you who is to be blamed, you were not in control of anything that man did to you. Your actions were what was necessary to survive. Believe me brother, even after all that has been between us, I would have come for you. Though it was fortune that brought us together this time, remember this, Never will I abandon you again; I had been foolish enough to do that before, and have learnt my lesson. We may not always be on the same path brother, but remember this, I have always loved you, and will always love you. You are my little brother, do not try to deny it, and no matter what happens that will never change. You are my only family left, and I promise, I'll be through Hel and back to protect you.'

Loki had stopped sobbing, but the only noise he made was unsteady raspy breathing. He slowly raised his head and looked into his brother's bright blue eyes. And looking into them, he knew. He knew he was safe, he was secure... but most of all... he was loved. His thin lips curved into a weak smile.

Thor saw the small flicker of a smile on his brother's tear stained face, and he could feel his own heart lighten up. He knew that smile. That small innocent smile that Loki had smiled last many ages ago. Thor smiled back.

'Loki, I understand how hard it is for you. Maybe what you say is true, maybe you'll never truly be able to forget ... But we'll share this burden of yours. I swear on my life brother, I will live up to what you need of me, I will not abandon you again. Maybe we cannot change the past, but what we can do is stand by each other... and you're never truly alone. I'm here for you.'

'Thor... Brother.'

'Brother.'


End file.
